Assalamualaikum, ni hao, konnichiwa..
Today i would like to talk about children. When you have sons or daughters who has reach more than 15 years old, treat them as your friends. Not as an immature, no brain, or etc downgrade. Dont always blabbering, comparing yours condition of upbringing with the current situation. You want them to be able to be independent but what have you done? U act as if they got no brain to think. They have no choice but to follow everything what you decide without even discuss. Is that how you want to train to be independent? BIG NO!! That is actually one way of you are going to make them disaster when you disappear one day. Your children will not be able to live independently because of your wrong upbringing.
One more thing i would like to highlight. Your children also got feeling, emotions, needs, and dislike things. Even twins happened to have not the same thing for like and dislike. So, please respect your children. If you want your children to respect you, you must show first that you respect people, respect your husband/wife, respect your children. Then your children will copy what you have done. Please never ever everrrrrrrr talk and advice your children to do this and that, but you yourself done the other way around. Do you think your children is crazy and mentally disturbed, not able to observe and think on what you did? It really cause mental problem to your children when your children try their best to understand but their parents just take for granted.
Sorry to say, but i HATE it so much when older people (parents) always think that their children is always wrong, and know nothing. The older people always think that they know better, got no mistakes, and everything they done is ALWAYS RIGHT. omgg... really not islamic at all. But this kind of thinking does incubate in so-called 'islamic parent'. Sad truth.
When the children try to point out the parents always use their SUPER-VETO-POWER to yell and ugut like this "anak tak guna, anak derhaka". Yeah, since they are parents, they can say everything even it is not according to the teaching of Islam. Islam teach to control emotion, not to scold and talk uselessly. Scold your children only after you have try your best at the other option but it is not working. When parents always use scolding and getting angry as one of the way of educating children, your children will lose respect to you and will never listen to you if you dont get angry. Thats all your fault.
Why am i writing this? This is because i want to advice all the parents out there, parents-to-be, please never do this to your children.
NEXT ISSUE : NEVER EVER PRACTICE 'UNGKIT'
Most of people out there always do this thing..which is keep talking about the mistake that has been done and repeating talking about that. Do you the feeling of people who had done that mistake? That people has already blame themselves for doing that mistake, regret so much..but the people surrounding them keep ungkit and talking alot. What kind of so-called islamic people are you keep punishing and repeating other people mistake? Do you know what will happen to the mental state of the regret person? The person will fear TOO MUCH and AFRAID of doing anything because he/she afraid of doing wrong and get punished again by the so-called islamic people. What kind of society we are living now? Are we getting more religious or not? Real islamic people should give support mentally to the needed people. Give rahmat to them. Are our society really 'sick' nowadays?
So, pleaseeeee i really beg everybody especially parents...please never ungkit mengungkit. Never ungkit your job that you have done. Thats compulsory as a parents to do. If you want to practice ungkit mengungkit, never scold your children when your children start ungkit everything that they did. Isn't it fair?
Things that I hate so much is when parents don't teach their children even when the children ask, but when the children done that mistake, the parents keep ungkit2. Ayoyo.. so terrible. Terrible.
LAST ISSUE : NEVER UNDERESTIMATE YOUR 'OBEDIENT' CHILDREN. Never forced your 15 years old and above children to do everything you want.
Ok, most of people have encountered such people. Always OK,always follow what other people say or do, which we could say that he/she is very obedient friends. It might be true or might be wrong!
let me ask this. How close is your friendship with such people? Do you just observe from far away or do you really understand and know well about that people? If you think such people really 100% obedient, i bet you never get close with anybody which so-called obedient, silent people.
Lets move on to the silent, obedient children. If you child is mentally retarded or deaf or bisu, so, their silent n obedient must be really 95% true.
If not, you as a parents must be really careful. Your children is normal, so your children must got their own feeling, emotions, needs, likes, and dislike. Never force your children. always discuss and persuade them. If you use your kindness, love, and other positive thing, i bet, your children will WILLINGLY do as you wish. But let say you want to use hard way, be prepared to face another face of your children. Your children will extremely rebel as the way you extremely forcing them to do something.
Learning to understand children are not only when the child is 1 month old until 12 years old. PARENTS SHOULD continously learning about the needs of teenagers and young adults children. if you really want to get closer to your young adult children, please dont take for granted. The need of children is different according to the age. Thats why dont 'pukul sama rata cara didik anak kecik dan besar'.
Try to understand the CLUE or SIGNAL that your child give before its too late. There is always clue from your child. But if you got no knowledge on parenting, you will never understand and never get the clue. You as the parents are older and must know better in teaching the correct way to interaction. So, teach you children the best way to express thing. Never let it be too late to do anything. If it is too late, your advices (even with slowtalk) will never be OK and wont work after that. Never let the statistic of muslim mental patients increase because of you.
Written by : The child being alone in her own world of thinking.